The blue belt

The worst is to be home.
The worst is to be where you cannot get closer
because you have always been far away.

Today I decide for a new running route. It is Easter Monday. I wait until the rain has stopped and the last sun rays have been swallowed by the approaching night. The streets are almost empty, on the way up the hill I meet two young women with coffee to go and I wonder if they have passed the day together. My observation includes this unfulfilled wish to have a friend with whom I could pass the day on a lonely day like this. I am hoping to get to the woods after leaving the residential area behind me. In between I am having little breaks, it is too steep and I don't feel like overdoing it. The route that I am taking is called "the blue belt", it leads through yards, always along the hillside. I end up in a blind alley, I feel like invading the privacy of those rich houses with the best view in town. I quickly turn around, I never reach the woods, I just see them up there, above the twisting highway that carries nothing than the echos of the cars' wheels on the wet street. I can find no stairs.
I want to dissolve my complicated mind in swinging steps, but the mental connection is with me:
My boss in Brussels was addicted to running, he was a nervous guy, always talking, moving, making jokes, but it was impossible to get an idea of his real self, his worries, the reason why he would run and maybe run away. He formed a running group in the office. On Wednsday at 12 am, instead of lunch, him and some colleagues would go for a tough run close to the European Parliament. If he was talking with colleagues about the week end, he would talk about some marathon or a new running path that he checked out or a new follower he had won. He was not the first and surely not the last person with a freetime passion that for me ends up being a placeholder for something that goes much deeper. I have been looking for a "hobby" for some time now because I felt I should go after this work-life-balance-shit. But then I see people having their "hobbies", I hear my new boss saying "I say bye for today, the tennis season has started" and I realize why all this does not appeal to me. It's like accepting the divisioning and zoning of yourself, your time, a clock that is ticking  to the rhythm of the allmighty obedience to endless PRODUCTION and RE-PRODUCTION. Oh come and save me Shiva³! I am ready to destroy!

³ Source: Wikipedia
Another of Shiva's fearsome forms is as Kāla (Sanskrit: काल), "time", and as Mahākāla (Sanskrit: महाकाल), "great time", which ultimately destroys all things.[170][171][172] Bhairava (Sanskrit: भैरव), "terrible" or "frightful",[173] is a fierce form associated with annihilation.[174]


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